I'm Nobody, Friend

I've never used this blog for its intended purpose. You can't find a well researched article or perfect reviews. It's been a place to share my superficial opinions on anything that stirs my heart. Lately, I've been using it as a journal to share personal anecdotes. My college junior talked to me today. She’s such a nice, loving girl. She wanted to talk because she's going through the same tiring process as I am and wanted to share her fears. She praised and thanked me for being kind to her in the past and now. I felt doomed after the conversation. I've always liked acting as an elder or leader in any group I'm part of. I like taking responsibility and helping my peers. But I felt I'd failed this girl, my sister, and everyone around me. My success could have boosted them, but I've failed, especially as an elder daughter who should have carried my family’s responsibilities. Currently, I'm highly dependent on my parents emotionally and financially. I’m in awe of all the independent women achieving so much at a young age. Finally, I've realised I'm a failure. Moreover, I’ve discovered that I'm a sad person. I worry about everything all the time. I'm a burden to everyone around me. Life seems acquainted with sadness. This is all due to my irresponsibility and lack of discipline in my life decisions. I've lost hope that I can turn anything around now. All I can do is try one last time to be happy. If this attempt at regaining my happiness fails, there will be no wit or warrior left. I can't comprehend why I'm writing this. It is not to self-pity, self- loathe or paint myself as a victim. I'm the enabler of my current situation. I'll try despite my morale having reached the threshold. There's no coherence, context, or emotion anyone could relate to. Maybe I wanted to meet the sad person in words.

I know there are no visitors to my blog. If anyone happens to read this, don't be disheartened. You're all hardworking and loving people. Everything will fall into place, and you'll all be fine. It's just not true in my case. Don't be bothered by this jumble of meaningless words. I'm nobody, friend, but maybe that's okay for now.

Bye! Good Luck!


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